Egon Chips Dies Aged 134

It is with great regret and not a little sadness that we report the death of that much adored, thrice Dunlop starred, super chef Egon Chips.


At the ripe old age of 134 and still plying his genius as only he could, in his Glaswegian restaurant The Fat Bar Steward, Egon keeled over whilst removing a basket of Mars Bars from the deep fat fryer and, in doing so, substituted himself for its erstwhile contents. Connoisseurs will be doubly comforted to know that he shuffled off this mortal coil in a way befitting a culinary institution and, forever multi-tasking, embalmed himself in chip fat at the same time.

Critics, friends and admirers alike have been quick to add their words of praise and condolence as the news spread throughout the gastronomic world.

“This man has done for the ‘Full English what Heston Blumenthal did for food poisoning” said Marco Pierre Black, himself a two star Dunlop.

Of his many previous students Jamie Dodger the ‘Cockney Cocker’ said...” if it was not for Egon I would still be serving pie and mash down the East End. I well remember the year that Dad took us all to Govan for a cultural holiday. It was here that I first came across the delights of unsaturated fat and soon made the lard sarnie part of my staple diet.”

Egon was nutted for his services to tribalism in 1993 when staff at The Fat Bar Steward inadvertently double booked the restaurant between Rangers and Celtic supporters after the New Year ‘Old Firm’ game. He went down in the ensuing mêlée but not before he had dropped a good four from either side. “That was the great thing about Egon, by the way” said wee Jock Strap of the Celtic Supporters Club, “he niver minded who he beat the crap out of and took on all comers. We put it all down to the diet and the partaking of ‘a good bucket’ on Saturday nights."

In accordance with his wishes Egon will be cremated in the world renowned 60 inch single wall oven at The Fat Bar Steward at 3.00pm next Thursday (240C gas mark 9) although the ceremony is not expected to last long given the residue of chip fat he is still covered in. In the time honoured tradition the body will be browned first on all sides before being placed in the oven.

Mourners unable to attend the ceremony are asked to pay their respects by raising their chip butties to their wives at 3.00 pm with the immortal words ‘Fat Bar Steward’.